5 Pregnancy Red Flags Every Partner Must Know

A sudden, severe headache — the kind she describes as the worst headache of her life, or fundamentally different from any headache she's had before — combined with visual disturbances is the hallmark warning sign of preeclampsia. This is a life-threatening condition, and it can escalate to seizures (eclampsia) or organ failure within hours.

Preeclampsia affects 5-8% of pregnancies and is characterized by dangerously high blood pressure that damages blood vessels throughout the body. It typically develops after 20 weeks but can appear earlier or even postpartum.

The visual changes to watch for: blurry vision, seeing spots or flashing lights, temporary loss of vision in one or both eyes, or light sensitivity. Other associated symptoms include sudden swelling in the face and hands (not the normal ankle puffiness — this is different), pain in the upper right abdomen (under the ribs, indicating liver involvement), sudden nausea or vomiting in the second or third trimester, and rapid weight gain from fluid retention over a few days.

Why partners need to know this: she may downplay these symptoms. Headaches are common in pregnancy, and she may assume it's dehydration or stress. Swelling is common in pregnancy, and she may not realize the face and hand swelling is different from ankle swelling. You may notice these changes before she does — or you may be the one who says, "This headache is different. We're going to the ER."

Preeclampsia is the second leading cause of maternal death worldwide. The only cure is delivery. Early detection through recognition of these symptoms saves lives. Don't call the office and wait for a callback. Go to the ER.

Any bleeding that soaks through a pad in an hour or less is a medical emergency at any stage of pregnancy. Don't wait to see if it slows down. Don't try to assess it yourself. Get to the ER.

In the first trimester, heavy bleeding may indicate a miscarriage (which may require medical intervention to prevent dangerous blood loss) or an ectopic pregnancy — a fertilized egg implanted outside the uterus, most commonly in a fallopian tube. A ruptured ectopic pregnancy causes life-threatening internal bleeding. Warning signs of ectopic rupture: sudden sharp pain on one side, dizziness or fainting, and shoulder tip pain.

In the second and third trimesters, heavy bleeding is more concerning because it may indicate placenta previa (the placenta partially or fully covering the cervix) or placental abruption (the placenta separating from the uterine wall before delivery). Placental abruption is a true emergency — it cuts off the baby's oxygen supply and can cause massive hemorrhage in the mother. Signs include heavy bleeding, severe abdominal pain, a rigid or tender abdomen, and back pain.

What about light spotting? Light spotting (a few drops) is common, especially in the first trimester, and is usually harmless. But it still warrants a call to the provider within 24 hours. The distinction between "call the doctor" and "go to the ER" is volume and accompanying symptoms.

As a partner, here's your role: if she calls you from the bathroom and says she's bleeding, go to her. Ask how much — is it drops or is it flowing? Is there pain? Is she dizzy? If there's any doubt, you go in. Hospitals will never fault you for being cautious.

After about 28 weeks, the baby's movement pattern becomes relatively consistent. Every baby is different — some are very active, some are more gentle — but the important thing is the baby's individual pattern. A noticeable change from that pattern is a reason to act.

The standard approach is kick counts: once a day (ideally at a time when the baby is usually active), she lies on her side and counts how long it takes to feel 10 distinct movements. Kicks, rolls, jabs, and hiccups all count. Most babies reach 10 within 30 minutes to 2 hours.

When to be concerned: if she doesn't feel 10 movements in 2 hours, if the baby has been notably quieter than usual for several hours, or if she simply feels something is off. Maternal instinct about reduced movement is the earliest warning sign in many cases of fetal distress.

First steps: have her drink something cold and sweet (orange juice is the classic), lie on her left side, and focus on movements for an hour. Often the baby wakes up. If not — or if she still feels uneasy — call the provider or go directly to labor and delivery for monitoring. Don't wait until tomorrow. Don't wait until the morning appointment.

Decreased fetal movement can indicate problems with the umbilical cord, placental insufficiency (the placenta not delivering enough nutrients or oxygen), or other complications. In many cases, early detection through kick counting allows intervention that saves the baby's life.

As her partner, you may be the one who encourages her to call. Women often hesitate, worried about being a burden or overreacting. Be the person who says: "Let's just get checked. I'd rather go in for nothing than not go in when something's wrong."

A temperature above 100.4°F (38°C) during pregnancy needs prompt medical attention. Fever isn't just uncomfortable in pregnancy — it can directly harm the developing baby and may signal a dangerous underlying infection.

Why fever is dangerous: in the first trimester, sustained high body temperature has been associated with neural tube defects. Throughout pregnancy, fever may indicate infections that can trigger preterm labor. Certain infections — particularly chorioamnionitis (infection of the amniotic fluid and membranes) — are medical emergencies that require immediate delivery.

Common causes of fever in pregnancy: urinary tract infections (extremely common in pregnancy and can escalate to kidney infections rapidly), influenza and COVID-19 (both carry higher risks of severe illness during pregnancy), food-borne illness (listeriosis, salmonella), appendicitis or other abdominal infections, and chorioamnionitis (fever + foul-smelling discharge + uterine tenderness = emergency).

What to do: take her temperature with an actual thermometer. If it's above 100.4°F, give her acetaminophen (Tylenol) for fever — it's safe during pregnancy. Do NOT give ibuprofen (Advil, Motrin) or aspirin. Push fluids. Call her OB's office or go to urgent care.

Go to the ER if: the fever is above 102°F, she has chills or shaking, there's abdominal pain or uterine tenderness, there's foul-smelling vaginal discharge, she's having contractions, she's confused or unusually drowsy, or the fever doesn't respond to acetaminophen.

Prevention matters: the flu shot and COVID vaccine are recommended during pregnancy. If she hasn't been vaccinated, discuss it with her provider. These aren't just for her — maternal antibodies cross the placenta and protect the baby in the first months of life.

This is the red flag that gets the least attention and may be the most important. Suicide is a leading cause of death during pregnancy and in the first year postpartum. Perinatal mood disorders — including prenatal depression and anxiety — affect up to 1 in 5 pregnant women, and suicidal ideation is far more common than most people think.

Warning signs: persistent sadness or hopelessness lasting more than two weeks, withdrawing from activities and people she normally enjoys, expressing worthlessness or feeling like a burden ("You'd all be better off without me"), talking about death or not wanting to be alive, giving away possessions, dramatic changes in sleep (can't sleep despite exhaustion, or sleeping all the time), loss of interest in the pregnancy or the baby, increased substance use, and extreme mood swings beyond normal pregnancy hormones.

If she expresses any thoughts of self-harm or suicide — even casually, even as a "joke" — take it seriously every single time. Here's what to do:

Stay with her. Don't leave her alone. Listen without judgment and without trying to fix it. Don't say "it's just hormones" or "think about the baby" — these responses shut down the conversation and increase shame.

Take action: call the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (call or text 988) for immediate guidance. Call the Postpartum Support International helpline (1-800-944-4773) — they support people during pregnancy too. Contact her OB or midwife to report what's happening. If she's in immediate danger, call 911.

Perinatal depression is highly treatable. Therapy, medication (several antidepressants are considered safe in pregnancy), and support groups can make an enormous difference. You cannot fix this yourself, and you shouldn't try. Your role is to be the bridge between her and professional help — and to make sure she knows she's not broken, she's not weak, and she's not alone.

The time to prepare for a pregnancy emergency is right now — while you're calm, thinking clearly, and have time to be thorough. In an actual emergency, adrenaline makes you forget basic things. Preparation turns panic into a checklist.

On your phone right now: save her OB/midwife's office number AND their after-hours emergency line. Save the hospital's labor and delivery direct line (not the main switchboard — call and ask for the L&D direct number). Program the hospital address into your GPS favorites. Save 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) and 1-800-222-1222 (Poison Control).

Know these things from memory: her blood type (critical if she needs a transfusion), her current medications and drug allergies, her pregnancy complications or risk factors (gestational diabetes, preeclampsia risk, placenta previa, etc.), the name of her OB/midwife, and the five red flags from this page.

Keep ready by the door (from 34 weeks onward): the hospital bag, her insurance card and ID (keep copies on your phone too), a phone charger, and a printed medication and allergy list.

Have a plan for: who watches other kids if you have them, who drives if you've been drinking, an alternate route to the hospital if your usual road is blocked, and who to call if you need support at the hospital.

The most important thing you bring to any emergency isn't a bag or a phone number — it's the ability to act decisively because you prepared in advance. She may be in pain, scared, or unable to advocate for herself. In those moments, you are her voice. The time you spend preparing now is one of the most meaningful acts of partnership during pregnancy.