Prenatal Appointments — When Partners Should Be There

A typical low-risk pregnancy involves 12-15 prenatal visits following a standard schedule: monthly appointments through week 28, biweekly from weeks 28-36, and weekly from week 36 until delivery. High-risk pregnancies involve more frequent monitoring.

Here's the honest answer: you don't need to attend every single one. Many visits — especially the routine monthly check-ins in the second trimester — are brief: weight check, blood pressure, urine sample, measure the belly, listen to the heartbeat, ask about symptoms, and done in 15-20 minutes. Missing a routine visit because of work isn't a failure.

But some appointments carry real emotional and informational weight, and your absence at those is noticed — by her and by the provider. The first ultrasound (often at 8-10 weeks) is when you'll likely see the heartbeat for the first time. The anatomy scan at 20 weeks is when you learn whether the baby's development looks healthy. The glucose screening at 24-28 weeks is when gestational diabetes is tested. The Group B Strep test around 36 weeks informs delivery planning. And any appointment where screening results are discussed (like NIPT or amniocentesis results) has high emotional stakes.

Beyond specific milestone visits, try to establish a relationship with her provider. The OB or midwife who'll deliver your baby should know your face and name. When you're in the delivery room together, being a familiar presence to the medical team — and vice versa — matters more than you'd expect.

If you've never been to a prenatal visit, here's what to expect. Most follow a consistent format: the nurse takes vitals (weight, blood pressure), collects a urine sample (checking for protein, glucose, and signs of infection), and asks about symptoms. Then the provider measures the fundal height (the distance from her pubic bone to the top of the uterus — a quick gauge of baby's growth) and listens to the fetal heartbeat with a Doppler.

First trimester visits include bloodwork: complete blood count, blood type and Rh factor, STI screening, rubella immunity, and often the option for genetic screening (NIPT — non-invasive prenatal testing around weeks 10-13). These are information-dense visits, and having a second set of ears helps.

Second trimester brings the anatomy scan (week 20) and glucose screening (weeks 24-28, where she drinks a sugary solution and gets her blood drawn an hour later). If she has Rh-negative blood, she'll get a RhoGAM shot around week 28.

Third trimester visits become more frequent and include Group B Strep testing (week 36), cervical checks as delivery approaches, and ongoing monitoring for preeclampsia (blood pressure and protein in urine).

Questions worth asking at appointments: Is the baby measuring on track? How is her blood pressure trending? What's the plan if she goes past her due date? When should we head to the hospital? Are there any concerns based on today's visit? Having a running list of questions in your phone shows the provider you're engaged and ensures nothing gets forgotten in the moment.

Genetic screening is one of the most emotionally complex aspects of prenatal care, and it deserves a real conversation between you and your partner before the tests happen — not after results arrive.

The most common first-trimester screen is NIPT (non-invasive prenatal testing), a blood draw typically offered around weeks 10-13. It screens for chromosomal conditions like Down syndrome (trisomy 21), Edwards syndrome (trisomy 18), and Patau syndrome (trisomy 13). It also reveals the baby's sex if you want to know. NIPT is highly accurate for high-risk results (99%+ for trisomy 21) but has a meaningful false-positive rate for some conditions — meaning an abnormal result doesn't necessarily mean the baby has the condition. Diagnostic testing (amniocentesis or CVS) is needed to confirm.

Before the test, discuss together: What will we do with the information? This isn't about having answers in advance — it's about being emotionally prepared for different outcomes. Some couples want screening for preparation and planning. Others know that results won't change their decisions. There's no wrong answer, but going in without having talked about it means you'll be having the hardest conversation of your life in a moment of crisis if results come back abnormal.

If results are normal: exhale together. If results are abnormal or uncertain: don't spiral into Google. Call the provider, ask for a genetic counselor referral, and get the facts. A positive NIPT screen is not a diagnosis — it's a probability. The next step is confirmatory testing, not decisions.

Your job throughout: be a partner in the decision-making, not a bystander. This is both of your baby, and the emotional weight of screening should be shared equally.

This is a surprisingly common tension, and it's worth unpacking. There's a difference between being an engaged partner and centering yourself in her medical care. The patient is her. The relationship with the provider is primarily hers. Your role in the exam room is support person first, participant second.

Engaged looks like: asking clarifying questions after the provider has finished their update, taking notes so she doesn't have to remember everything, advocating for her concerns when she's too anxious or uncomfortable to speak up, and adding context the provider might need ("She's been having headaches the last three days" if she forgot to mention it).

Overstepping looks like: dominating the conversation with the provider, asking questions that redirect the appointment to your anxieties rather than her care, contradicting her in front of the provider, or pressing for information she's already said she doesn't want to know yet (like the baby's sex).

If she's told you that your participation is too much, listen. Ask her specifically what she wants from you at appointments. Maybe she wants you there for emotional support but prefers to handle the medical dialogue herself. Maybe she wants you to take notes but not ask questions during the visit — save them for afterward. Maybe there are certain topics (body weight, cervical exams) where your presence or questions feel intrusive.

The goal is a collaborative approach where she feels supported, not managed. A quick debrief after each appointment can help: "Was that helpful? Is there anything I should do differently next time?" This shows you're invested in getting it right, not just in being involved.

The practical reality is that most partners can't attend every appointment. Work schedules, other children, logistics — life doesn't pause for prenatal care. But the emotional reality is that every missed appointment can feel like a statement about your priorities, even when it's genuinely unavoidable.

When she's upset about a missed appointment, she's usually not upset about the 15-minute visit itself. She's upset about what your absence symbolizes: Am I doing this alone? Does he care as much as I do? Will he be there when it really counts? These are the questions underneath the frustration, and they deserve a real answer — not defensiveness.

Start with validation: "I understand why this matters to you, and I'm sorry I can't be there." Then demonstrate investment in another way. Ask her to text you as soon as the appointment is over. Call her during the visit if the provider allows it. FaceTime the heartbeat check. Ask specific follow-up questions: "What did the provider say about your blood pressure?" "Is the baby still measuring on track?" These questions prove that you're mentally present even when you can't be physically there.

Long-term, look at the appointment schedule strategically. If you can only attend a few, tell her which ones you've prioritized and why. "I blocked off the anatomy scan, the glucose screening, and every weekly visit from 37 weeks on" communicates intentionality. It's different from just showing up when it happens to be convenient.

And if you've missed appointments that matter to her repeatedly, own it. Apologize without excuses and adjust. She's tracking the pattern even if she's not saying it every time.